


Remorse

by sseundalkhom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, Original Character Death(s), Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 06:19:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10508034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: It's not his fault but he always blame himself after that night





	

I was listening to [it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOkHqR62prA) while I was writing this story, please enjoy 

 

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Several night has passed, yet a man still remains in the same place. Bending down on his knees every night he prays inside the chapel near his house. There is a deserted chapel and there is no sight of people coming inside there, unless him — a man who doesn't move from a spot before the altar. He bend down his head. Tears keep falling like a fountain every time he closes his eyes and clenches his palm together. He doesn't sputter a word out from his lips yet he silently prays in his heart. He always begs for the similar thing every single night.   
  
And it’s been a year. He never stops to come to the chapel and prays there despite the fact about the chapel is being deserted because of irresponsible act. Also, he never stops praying for the a same thing to the Heaven. Because there was a time - a time where he lost a thing, he begs for it every single night though the answer is still unanswered right now. Because he lost his girlfriend — because he was so reckless about her — because he was being so stupid that time..   
  
Because he killed her that time by dumping her away which made her losing her life. Though she still had a smile on her face that time, though she still had a soft spot inside her heart for him, Seungcheol can not stop blaming himself for being senseless to dump her and push her away while she tried to hold him and make him stay longer. That night, he regretted it all. Even if he can not bring her back to life, he prays that Heaven will make her comeback in many ways.   
  
He is naive.   
  
He can not let her go. He still hopes that someday she will appear before his eyes and wrap him in her warm embrace. He still believes at that delusion. He only wants to live inside there - though some people tell him many times to go on living. He just can’t. He doesn't want to live without her.   
  
His tear is rolling down again for this night. His sob starts to be heard silently under the quiet night. Inside the dark chapel, he prays for Heaven to forgive his unwise act though he presumes it’s hard to do by the Heaven - still he begs for another forgiveness and her comeback. Another tears run down as he becomes sincere with his prayer. He regrets all his childish act where he was being so jealous easily whenever she befriended with people surrounding her. He regrets regarding the time they spent together, he could not be a good boyfriend for her. Perhaps both of them have been a cynosure of people’s eyes and their friend, yet Seungcheol could not deny how many times he started to bicker at him about how she was nice to people and not paying attention at him.   
  
His late girlfriend would just remain silent — she knew it’s a bad thing to answer and reply whenever they got a bicker. She prevented herself to talk back with Seungcheol because she knew how much the latter got a bit protective regarding herself. She would always smile at him and tug him into her hug. It’s the best way to cease away his emotional side and calmly reply with all those pleasant word by a whisper to his ear. Seungcheol would always easily calm down with her treatment.   
  
But there was a condition where he took her to her limit, there was a beginning of his misery. If only he could be considerate about her…   
  
A tear runs down again as he whispers a prayer.   
  
“Forgive me, Father…forgive me,” he sputters. A slight hint of his weak is heard echoing the chapel. He begs for another chance. He begs for the forgiveness yet his tears talk more than his lips. His heart cries out all the remorse he keeps for himself. He wonders many times to go on and face the day by himself even though his friends root for him yet he feels empty.   
  
A void lingers around his heart as she starts to be absent from his life. From anyone’s life. But people can manage to keep on living though her trace of memories are always visible to see that part of them yearn for her presence — not like Seungcheol. He has a hard time for living by himself without her. He has a hard time for being alone though he has many friends for himself. Many people come to him, cheering up for him yet they can’t never heal and make him back to his usual self. It’s a hard task for them.   
  
A difficult task for someone who blaming themselves because of their imprudent act to get back to life, it’s as difficult as telling them to move on. Though it’s hard for moving on, many people compose themselves to get off the black hole of moping around, yet Seungcheol has no intention for living on. That’s why every night before he gets home, he will spend 2-3 hours to begging a forgiveness and chance to make her happy again. He will beg for her comeback and promise the Heaven to make her happy. Nevertheless, it is impossible.   
  
“Lord…please…I want her..” his sobs become intense as his tears remain dropping on his cheek. Though his tears wet his cheek, makes his cheek feeling cold by the night wind, he stays crying his heart out. He only wants her. There is nothing else he wants, except her.   
  
His shoulder drops down as he becomes weak and tired of praying tonight. He stands up on his feet, grabbing his stuff on his hand and ready to get back home. His pace is light and frail to move, so he walks slowly. His stomach grumbles inside, but he smiles and pats it gentle. “Sorry tummy, I have to beg the Heaven for her comeback..” he talks alone.   
  
He is so desperate about her after that night. Even the day after that night, her family wanted her to be cremated so they could dust the ashes to the sea, Seungcheol made a scene of holding her ashes for his own. He was so persistent of keep holding her ashes as he never wanted to get apart from her. Because he was so weak and exhausted after getting cried many times, he lost his consciousness and that time was perfect from her family to get his hand off the ashes. They could send her away while Seungcheol began to mourn.   
  
In addition after that night, he will end up sleeping with some tears soak his pillow. He will hug her photo as he falls asleep in order to hope seeing her again through his dream. Even though it’s unreal, he feels comfort to live inside the dream because she is always there for him. She is waiting for him there and ready to soothe him after undergo a difficult day.   
  


 

* * *

  
  
At the morning, he will wake up as if there is nothing wrong happen in his life. As though nothing bad happen in his life, even for once in his lifetime. His parents know it’s painful to see their son being like that, taking a life as an ordinary habit - getting up from his bed, showering and having a breakfast without make a chit-chat with his parents - they want him to enjoy a life just like other people does. Nonetheless they can’t avoid him to not do it too, they have reserve many place in order to get him a girlfriend, hook him for a blind date but he will always end his destination to the chapel and implore Heaven to grant his wish.   
  
But today is different. He smiles without any words slipping out from his lips towards his parent. He has a breakfast with them but he dodges any topic to talk with. He finishes his breakfast in silence and nonchalantly kiss their cheek before he takes a leave. The parent furrows as they see their son wearing black suit out from the house.   
  
Seungcheol makes a quick stop at the flower shop across the bus station. He buys a bouquet of white roses, he smiles at the florist before he switches his stop. He tends to make a visit before taking a way to get back to work. It’s a way to distract him from the mourning for a moment, besides he really wants have a steady job before he graduates. He sends a message to his co-worker to tell them that he’ll be late for a special concern. Luckily his company never complains at his act, just because he never complaints at his tasks which he always finishes it punctually.   
  
He takes a deep breathe as he take a bus to his destination. In silence, he is ready to meet a trace of her. Just like every month in the same date as though it’s their anniversary. For an hour, he finally arrives at the place he wants. A memorial building of the late ones people love. He breathes in again before taking a step inside the building. He walks calmly passing the memorial walls until he finds her picture right the end of the wall. He puts down the bouquet. After that, he smiles.   
  
“Morning, my sunshine. When will you come back?” He asks bluntly.   
  
Again, his day will be repeated monotonously as the hour drops. His habit probably has no end just like his mourning will remain same because his remorse find no rest to stop. He will keep blaming himself and begging the Heaven for the same request likely the other night he has passed. 

 

-끝-


End file.
